It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
