Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
