I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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