the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
