so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
