I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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