...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
