I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
