my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
