I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
