dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
