someone threw a dead crab at me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
