his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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