You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we should paint friendship bongs
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
