Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to make out with him forever
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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