I didn't shave. On purpose
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
