Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize