I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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