You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
