I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
