This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
