I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We left the knife in your bed.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
