when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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