Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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