omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
