I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
