I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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