So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
