I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
