Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
