cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
