Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
