The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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