Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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