Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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