i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
