I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
