One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
