dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
