I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
