She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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