Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
