Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
