so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
