I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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