I cut my penus on the lid.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
