apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
