Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize