Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
