I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
