i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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