apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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