Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
