she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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