I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
