the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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