At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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