I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's rum buckets o'clock
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
