The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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