I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
