how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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