I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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