im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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