I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
