Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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