FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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