I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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