dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
