Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
